If anything just read on...

This wallpaper is something I hold very close to me!! It is something I have to deal with everyday, something I rarely if ever talk about with other people. Maybe that's because I feel in some way responsible although a direct cause has not yet been found. I feel for the most part sad, angry, and overwhelmed by it! I constantly think, what if there was something I COULD HAVE done to prevent this, but that opportunity has come and gone? It frustrates me...and I know I shouldn't be frustrated by it, but it all comes back to the "it's my fault" way of thinking! I know chances are it isn't, but when I think about how difficult things are going to be, it hurts me. And I'm not thinking in a selfish manner, I'm thinking about the difficulties that are to be faced by someone I love so much!

My oldest boy Logan, who is now 5 was diagnosed with Autism almost 2 years ago now! It blew me away! I remember the months of tests he had to go through, with everything pointing toward the fact that he did have it, and even though all that time past, and trying to come to terms that he more than likely did have it, it still blew me away when we finally found out for sure! I remember that day, finding out and not being able to look at him...not because I was disgusted by him, but because MY dream of bringing a life into this world and him having it better than I ever did, and having a better childhood, a more carefree one, had just been tossed away with his diagnoses. I cried for what seemed to be hours that night. I'm not afraid to say that! And now 2 years later I still have trouble coming to grips with the way he is, but I'm trying! I have to learn to deal with it, so I can help him learn to live with it!

All that being said, Autism has to be more prevalent as far as "awareness and acceptance" goes in society today! Did you know it is so common today that approximately 1 in every 150 children are found to have it. Those numbers are staggering when you think about it! In the world, there are 4.2 babies born every second. There are 250 babies born every minute and 15,008 babies born every hour. That's 101 children every HOUR born with autism, and yet most people only know the name "Autism" and know little to nothing about it! It's truly a gigantic puzzle in that no one truly knows what causes it, whether is genetic or caused by ones environment, the shear amount of ways it can manifest itself in the individual who has it, and the biggest missing piece of the whole thing is that they have know idea, even if they did know why it happens whether or not they could "cure" it once they did find out why!!

So that is why I made this wallpaper and posted it here! April is Autism Awareness Month, and if by posting this it causes one person to go and Google information on it, then that's one more person who can pass on that information! This disease or condition or whatever you want to call it is just as prevalent as HIV/AIDS and Cancer, and yet you rarely hear anything about it, and that's just wrong!

I want people to be aware! I WOULDN'T CHANGE MY SON FOR THE WHOLE WORLD...BUT I WOULD CHANGE THE WHOLE WORLD FOR MY SON!! And awareness is the first step to that change!!